(the below is a attempt at self-consolation, outpouring of feelings, and probably some contemplation of self-denial. for those who seek consolation or solutions to your relationship problems, this really ain't the blog to come to.)

sigh. fucking emo this few days. lying on the bed just listening to songs? i'm not sure if that's what i usually do.. SOMETHING has taken a toll on me. even my fucking DREAMS are affected. man, this sucks. hah. now i'm in some sorta cold war. weird, i never intended it to be.

i got a few questions nagging at the back of my mind.. i'd really like to ask them.

we were friends all along anyway, so i SHOULDN'T be feeling any different now this has happened.. but i do, and it sucks too.

now my motivation for the Os have all but vanished. trying to find some motivation.. but nowhere to sap it from..

I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP. drop everything. assessments, homework, studies, education. the whole lot of it. and just probably cut myself off from all civilization when i grow old & get the chance to migrate. i just wanna go through all that heartbreak again. i can't bear to.