Point of No Return
Thursday, February 14, 2008
valentine's day. who is this infernal valentine person anyway? or place or thing? i think its a stupid creation. although it can be celebrated with family members or relatives, i doubt most people do this nowadays. it more like for couples and those in BGRs.can't be bothered to ask you out for valentines anyway. its as if you've entirely forgotten about me. u probably forget about my existence unless i message you. and you think i don't see the trend? that oh-too-common-in-collapsing-friendships trend?if you still recall, which i doubt you do with all that crap about forgetfulness, you proposed going out to study together sometime about 3 weeks ago. that was just a week before my prelims so i naturally declined. i wanted to wait till my prelims had concluded. so we decided on the week after next. CNY week. you wasn't available on tuesday, nor wednesday, nor the remainder of the week. so we called it off and decided on the next week, once again. here we are now, 3 weeks have gradually passed on. i'm still waiting. or what? you want me to take the initiative to ask you out? man, its not even a date, much less an outing for cying out loud! its just to study, isn't it? what so fucking wrong with that? i bet you've forgotten anyway. i don't blame it on your cca and tuition. but you go out with friends so often. you rarely make space in your schedule for me. in that, one thing's obviously obvious. you place me way below your friends. they're more important than me. i don't blame them. but i shows something. if i ain't in up high in your list, what good would it do if you're up high in mine? its useless; i gain nothing while you gain everything. life isn't fair, but i can make it more fair, though not fully fair, can't i? moreover, you don't give a damn about me, even on valentine's. you probably know how i'm feelling, after all i've said to you. i've not only hinted on my crush on you, i've even expressed it openly to you. and what do i get on valentine's day from you. no, not a rose. no, not a thought. no, not even recognition. i get ignorance.one thing i know very well is the opposite of love isn't at all hate. hazard a guess. you may know it; its INDIFFERENCE. think it over, and you will find it true. when, you love, you feel emotion. indifference is the opposite, you feel no emotion at all for the other party. in other words, you don't give a damn. and that's very well the opposite of love.
i think i should give up. i'm intending to express it to you soon. i'm just waiting for the right time, the right moment, and finding the right words. on second thoughts, i don't think i need to await the right time. i may as well do so whenever and however i like. unless something happens which changes my usually stubborn mindset, it will probably happen soon. not that you need to worry though; you most probably, once again, won't give a fuck.
